Thee Blueberry Muffin

Blueberry muffin

So……. the Blueberry Muffin…… well in my humble opinion I believe I have found ‘Thee Blueberry Muffin’ that tastes out of this world but in fact, is in this world and it’s in your grasp, not far from you now.Man.png

“Where is it you ask?” ……..just wait a minute or two.

I do love a cake!  I’ve had some nice cakes in some nice places.  I’ve even Eating buildinghad a cheese cake in Time Square in New York and “YES” that was nice…. heavy though, it felt like I had eaten half of a New York Skyscraper (but that could have been the large steak I had eaten beforehand).

Firstly let’s talk about the big supermarket chain blueberry muffins.  My opinion is they are not good!  If you buy them in aBootlick pack of four with clear cellophane wrapping….well……there’s not going to be much difference between the muffins you just bought and the experience of you licking the end of your own boot or for the first time, and to be honest with you, the second time is just as bad.

They are mostly just some sort of sponge with something that resembles a….and I mean…”A” blueberry.  It’s Talking toebland and dry; in fact they’ll be so dry that every single bit of moisture that is in your body will be sucked up….you’ll even feel the end of your toes starting to curl and shout out “STOP”.

Secondly let’s talk coffee shops; YES someCrying of the muffins they sell are BIG, but are they nice? Don’t forget BIG isn’t always best.  For starters, a blueberry muffin for me is about moisture, it must be moist, if it isn’t moist, it isn’t worth having.  But sometimes you don’t know this until you have bitten in to it, then it’s too late…the damage is done, you’ve paid for the muffin and there’s no going back (always a bad position to be in), and if like me you’ll want to cry…..lots!

Yes the coffee shop muffin is wrapped nice and YES it’s big and a show off, as it carefully balances, looking pretty with the other blueberry muffins.   It stares you out, putting you under pressure to buy the muffin over the other cakes (that’s how sly muffins can be, it’s what they do!).

Does it mean that a more expensive muffin is going to taste better?  My opinion…..NO!  I hear you asking “So what and where in the world is the best muffin in your opinion Dave?”

Lidl logoFinally the answer, believe it or not, for me it’s Lidl…that right Lidl!

And just to let you know I am not getting paid to praise their blueberry muffins (although…may the angel of Lidl’s speak to the heads of management around the boardroom table and shout out the name Angel“Dave Frantony!!”

 

When I eat a blueberry muffin I want a surprise all over and inside.  I want to feel like the ‘muffin maker’ has gone the Love cakeextra mile to show they care about each and every muffin that’s made.  I want them to love the muffin before I love the muffin; this will come through in every bite and the Lidl blueberry muffins delivers with every single mouthful.

It’s moist, it has sweet crunchy things on top that are out of this world, it’s got the juiciest gooey centre of blueberry that yourFormula
eyes will ever see, and it tastes like a homemade blueberry muffin that was cooked by your favourite auntie but times by 97.5!

I’ve bought them for friends, I stand in silence as their eyes pierce my very body with love; their face lights up whilst they go weak at the knees.  The second time I bought one of my friends the very same blueberry muffin to his place of work, he said to me “I can’t eat this; I told my wife about them….I must go home, she has to be the one to taste the muffin!”

Like a man possessed he was in his car driving home, with a look on his face that I have never seen before (It frightened me!)

So there you have it, my humble opinion of how a blueberry muffin should be, and may you, in your life time, have the privilege to buy such a blueberry muffin and be lost in your own world and be as gooey as the centre of the very muffin you are eating!

 

As ever on the Easy Blend, I thought I’d let you know what I’m listening to.  Today it’s Erasure – A Little Respect

You can find out more about my book ‘Farrago: Ten Tall Tales’ and buy it here…. (click on the cover)

Full cover single

Until the next Easy Blend blog……….. 

Stay warm and fuzzy……..

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Afternoon tea?

The tea bag?  Mmmmmm…… what do we think of the tea bag? Yes it has Teabag.pngmade a cup of tea far more easy and quick to make, but deep down in these beautiful bodies of ours, is that what we really want?  For some of us, all we’ve known is the tea bag.

Now back in the day, whenever that was…. (all I know is that it was Beetlelong time ago when I was younger, thinner and firmer, but I’m afraid, not much shorter) there would be a journey in my Dad’s 1966 Red VW Beetle, sitting in the back sliding around on the black plastic shiny seats (no seat belts in those days) to one of my Dad’s Auntie’s house. Switchboard.png

There was nothing but a block of LEGO in my hand if I was lucky (no iPads or Gameboys then), and you couldn’t exactly play with phones, which of course were always in the hallway on a table with the big thick Yellow Pages.  And if you did play with the phone, you’d mistakenly  go through  to the operator (yep remember them)….

Once we were welcomed in, past the coat, hat and umbrella stand (always an all-in-one piece of furniture) it was straight into the front room, the ‘best room’ always kept in pristine condition. Make no mistake, I’m talking about the ‘best room’ NOT the living room, and did anybody ever see the kitchen…..I don’t think so!!

Scales.pngSo once we sat down, we waited in silence with the gentle sound of the tea being made at the back of the house in the no-go zone of the kitchen.  You had no choice but to look around the room at the pictures on the wall, old photos and dark wood furniture that looked like it weighed as heavy as my Dad’s VW Beetle parked outside.

 

Of course, ‘back in the day’ it was always easy to find a car parking space outside your own home, not like today).   Mum and Dad would chat but very quietly, Stealing cake.pngand then the rattling began as the tea trolley made its way up the hallway into the ‘best room’ and we all sat up.  It always seemed like a miraculous trick to me, one that not even David Copperfield could pull off, that we would call in unannounced and yet there would be this amazing spread of food!  On the trolley were Salmon sandwiches in brown bread with the crusts cut off, all cut Bloodneatly, chocolate biscuits and small pastry tarts with icing and a cherry on top…yep you read right….a cherry on top!  All placed on a three….that’s right, NOT one, NOT two, but a three tier plate stand, accompanied by smaller plates.  My mind was blown away.

Now for the tea pot, cups and saucers and the tea strainer…..Parting the searemember them?  I watched in amazement as the teapot cosy hugs around the pot, keeping it warm.  Then the teapot is lifted with one hand whilst the index finger of the other hand stretches out like Moses Staff when he parted the red sea and placed on top of the lid of the tea pot.

Then the sound of a gentle waterfall on an island of paradise as the tea pours in to the bone china cup that’s placed perfectly on the saucer. Now the beauty with this method, as well as the tea tasting far better in a Cup v mugbone china cup than a thick mug (……..yes…. it does!), you can see that the cup is bright white all the way to the bottom.  Today, the tea from a tea-bag is already been made in the kitchen without you witnessing the process, so you will always have one question on your mind, as the answer is slowly revealed to you with each sip of the tea you take…….’How stained is the mug?’  Then as you reach the bottom, you wished you never had a cup of tea there after all.  In fact I was once offered some lemonade and was given it in a thick mug….and it had chips taken out of it with a dark cup saucerbrown hair line crack…but that’s a story for another blog (yes I’m still scarred from it).

I don’t take sugar, but in this house I wished I did.  It wasn’t in a sealed container that had hard bits of brown sugar mixed in the white from the wet tea spoon from the last cup of tea made…..or the one before that. Oh no!  And it wasn’t in the sugar bag that I know some sneaky people do in the kitchen with their back to you as they stretch their neck around asking you if you want sugar…. yes, you know the ones!

The sugar in this house was in a bone china bowl and wait for it…….they were sugar cubes! Green car They looked like sweets, all bright white and piled on top of one another, the whole scene looked as nice as any Jaguar E-type I have ever laid my eyes on.

Then sadly before you know it the Crying faceafternoon tea experience is over

 

You thank them for their generous hospitality, walk to the front door and put your coats on, taking them from the ‘coat, hat and umbrella’ stand, not the banister newel post at the bottom of the stairs, which has now taken over the job.  As we’re about to leave, I’m given 10p to buy some sweets in the shop or a lucky bag (Yep remember them).

Salute with teaSo I’d like to finish with this……. for the older generation still carrying on with the real afternoon tea for your visitors.   If you wonder ‘Was it worth the bother?’  as you clean up once we’ve gone, putting everything away, well…..from my heart,     I SALUTE YOU!

And I thank you for giving me such a special memory that will stay with me forever. For those who sling a tea bag in a thick builders mug (even worse if it’s stained and chipped), the least you can do is put it in a bone chine cup even if you don’t use a saucer!  Come on, put some pride back into the making of tea!!

 

As ever on the Easy Blend, I thought I’d let you know what I’m listening to.  Today it’s Thompson Twins – Hold me now.

You can find out more about my book ‘Farrago: Ten Tall Tales’ and buy it here…. (click on the cover)

 

Full cover single

Until the next Easy Blend blog……….. 

Stay warm and fuzzy……..

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Too big, too hot!

My lovely mother-in-law (nah….just kidding) my mother-in-law had just given me and my brand spanking new wife, her old cooker with the grill on top, you know the ones that always made fantastic out of this world toast, that NO toaster has ever been able to match to this day!

We…..wait a minute………sorry, my brand spanking new wife, Mrs Cooker.pngFrantony, decided not to have the cooker plumbed to the gas or have the electrician wire it up, she said “Dave, let’s have a new kitchen instead!”

So even though it was never used (by us anyway) the cooker was now up for sale, so the money could be put to the new kitchen, that by the way, my wife wanted and picked, all on her own without me to be seen anywhere at all.  I wasn’t even asked to come along and choose the colour, the style, or where anything was going.  At this point I realised I might wear the trousers in this relationship but really I don’t wear the trousers….if you know what I mean?

I was approached by a man in work “Dave, my Dad will have the cooker; we’ll pick it up on the weekend.”

Well the weekend arrived, the cooker now in the hallway by the front door ready for collection, and in they came, the son who I worked with and his dad with a piece of paper in his hand.

His dad said “Hello.  Before we buy this cooker, I have taken some measurements to see if it will fit in our kitchen.  Do you have a measuring tape?”

He then gave me the sizes saying “If the cooker is more than 19.5 inches wide it won’t fit in the space between our cupboards.”  I pulled out the tape and put it against the cooker revealing the size.  “22 inches.” I said.

Answering doorHe looks at his son then at me, “Yep that’ll be okay.  I need to check the height, because there are cupboard units above, if it’s more than 58 inches high it won’t fit.”

I pull out the tape again and put it against the cooker revealing the height “It’s 68 inches.”  We all looked at each other; no one said a word, the two of them staring at the cooker.  The staring went on and on, at one point I thought I saw some tumbleweed pass by, yet there was no wind, and how did the tumble weed get in my house in the first place?

The father looked at his son, then at me “Yep that’ll be okay.  Now Dave, how much do you want for the cooker if we take it away today?”

“Well” I paused, pretending to really think like I don’t ever want to let the cooker go “Hmmmm….  £20/£25?”

The father looked at his son then at me, “I’ll give you £30.  I just need to see if it’ll fit in the car.”

Measuring tape in hand, knowing the cooker is 68 inches tall, we go outside to see if it will indeed fit in the car.  The father adjusts the driver’s and passenger’sOrangutan arms seat as far forward as they can go.  “It’s only 49 inches…….”

He looks at his son then at me, “It’ll be okay we’ve only got 3 miles to go.”

The oven weighed a ton; I had arms like an orangutan
by the time we lifted it into the back of the car, my finger nails were scraping on the drive as I walked around the cooker sticking out of the boot.

They gave me the £30 and squeezed themselves in to the car, and I mean squeeze as their knees covered their ears and their noses were squashed up against the windscreen; the steering wheel up under his jumper.

 

Cooker in car

They miraculously drove off down the street with the noise of the tailgate bashing up and down on the cooker.  I looked at the £30 thinking “Why didn’t he offer me £20?”

So the weekend soon went and it was Monday morning, back in work, when I was approached by the son “Dave, we want our money back!  We’ve had the gas plumbed in and the electric wired up but the cooker….it doesn’t fit and we’re fed up of walking around it.  Cooker middle floorEven the metal door gets really hot and the kitchen is too warm for us.  Yesterday my Dad had to cook Sunday dinner in his vest and pants and I’m not telling you what my mother was wearing.”

At this point I was working hard to look serious, but my face was really hurting, it felt as stiff as a concrete pillar “I’m sorry, but you had the measurements anIce blockd you said you could make it fit, and in my experience cookers get hot, that’s what they do.”

We worked together for another few months after that and then he left, and up until then they never did take the cooker out of the kitchen.  He had told me that himself and the rest of the family had gotten used to walking around the cooker in the kitchen.

 

As this is the Easy Blend, I thought I’d let you know what I’m listening to.  Today it’s Paula Cole – Where have all the Cowboys gone.

You can find out more about my book ‘Farrago: Ten Tall Tales’ and buy it here…. (click on the cover)

Full cover single

Until the next Easy Blend blog……….. 

Stay warm and fuzzy……..

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The tree and the carrot

IScaffoldt was the weekend, and I had just hired and taken delivery of a five metre high aluminium scaffolding tower. With no one to help (And YES….I do have friends, just all busy that day….or so they told me) 2 hours later the tower was up.

 

Hard hat on tight (just about….I have a very small head), I was on top of the tower and NOT ready to chainsaw AT ALL! I didn’t even feel like a real man standing with a chainsaw in my hand, and I’ll tell you why, because I was five metres in the air….. no sorry…..IN THE SKY!

ChainsawI looked at the tree and the tree….well it didn’t bother looking at me.  It was tall but thin, standing strong at the bottom of my garden.  Now to add to the saga, to the trickiness of this episode in my life, it overlooked a walkway that was just behind my fence.

I started up the chainsaw as I’m standing on top of the scaffold tower,…..oh and by the way,…..not an inch,….not one squidgy bit of confidence was anywhere to be seen in me. Even if you had a confidence machine and tested me, your machine would shake about in your hand laughing at me.

I cut one branch, instead of falling, it slid bottom first towards me and hit me on top Hard hatof the head….knocking the hard hat further down my face…..I could see nothing so I switched off the chainsaw.

Using both hands and all my strength, I pushed up on my hard hat, lifting it up off my face and head. WOW….I’m still in one piece!  No concussion and no blood.  I waited five minutes just to gather my thoughts on how that could have gone a lot worse.  My imagination run wild……..

“What if I didn’t have a hard hat on when the big branch Split in twolanded on me and split my head open, but the branch didn’t stop, then it split my whole body in half with each side of me falling off the scaffold tower, and then I would only be half the man I used to be and as I lay there in half, the scaffold tower falls on top of one half of me, burying me intodog half man the ground just like the coyote in Road-runner when a rock lands on him.  Then as I lay there in two halves a dog walks past thinking I’m a stick and takes me home.”

 

Luckily none of that happened, so I pulled myself together, and leaving my chainsaw on the floor, I pulled out my small hand saw from my belt pouch.  Feeling confident, I cut another branch……..and Man flat thumbwatched it fall right on my thumb as I held onto the scaffold bar, squashing my thumb nail and giving me pain I thought was only in Hollywood horror movies.  It looked like I had taped a dinner plate to the end of it.

With no hesitation I climbed down the scaffold tower knowing full Pockets no carrotwell this job was for someone else. I could see a man walking towards me wearing one of those fishing body warmers with a trillion pockets on it.

“Hello” he said “Your name’s Bob isn’t it.”

“No….it’s Dave”

“Oh you look like Bob. Do you want me to cut that tree for you?  I used to be a tree surgeon 25 years ago.”

“Yep if you don’t mind!”

“Okay….once I climb up there give me the chainsaw, I’ll cut it in sections and we’ll be done in half hour”

He climbed to the top of the scaffold tower, then suddenly he wrapped his arms and legs around the frame, his feet were up in the air.

Clinging to tree

He starts breathing fast “I forgot…..I suffer from vertigo, I can’t move!”

25 minutes later…..I kid you not!! He slowly climbed down and leaned up against the scaffold tower, looking at me.  Shaking his head, panting as if he had just run up and over the top of Ayers rock in Australia, with nine fridge freezers tied to his back, all full of frozen food that we never eat and eventually gets thrown out in the annual ’empty fridge freezer’ day….you know the one.

Mountain

With his eyes shut and using both hands he tapped the trillion pockets on his vest. At this point I’m waiting for him to collapse and for me to do CPR on him.  My thumb was throbbing, and my headache was starting to mature as if it was going to stay in my head for the long term.

PocketsSuddenly, after checking nearly every pocket he finds what he’s been looking for. I stand back, I don’t know the man, he could have a knife but he pulled out a carrot.  “Do you want a bite?”

“Ummmm….no thanks”

He bites a chunk off the one carrot he was carrying with him, but still willing to share with me whilst having vertigo. He chewed with his mouth open as if it was made from a Eating carrotcollection of rubber bands “Bob….I’m sorry about that, it’s just I’ve not done it for a long time….anyway I’ve got to go….Bye”

I was about to tell him again “I’m Dave, not Bob,” but what was the point, I’ve got a swollen thumb with my nail going black, a headache, a scaffold tower that I need to dismantle and a tree that after all of this, still stands.

So what have I learnt?

Well, I will be ‘leafing’ this job there, I’ll be ‘barking’ mad if I try this again and I would be taking the ‘pith’ if I thought I could ‘branch’ out cutting trees, and for the man that disappeared in to the sunset chewing on a raw carrot, may I thank you for the entertainment and the offer to have a bite of your carrot that was finally found in one of the many pockets you had on such a small vest with no sleeves.

 

As this is the Easy Blend, I thought I’d let you know what I’m listening to. Today it’s Stevie Nix – Secret Love

Don’t forget, you can buy my book Farrago: Ten Tall Tales here…. (click on the cover)

Full cover single

Until the next Easy Blend blog……….. 

Stay warm and fuzzy……..

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My first Land Rover Defender

The 40th Birthday whizzed along far quicker than I wanted, but then again 40 years is 40 years whoever you are, it took the same time for me as anyone else so I shouldn’t have been surprised.  Midlife crisis?  Nah, I’m just as childish now as I’ve ever been, still with Helen wearing trousers.pngthe same dreams as I had as a little boy.  No tact, no boundaries and I am not changing, what a lovely feeling of freedom!  So was I after a fast car?  Nope.  I was in the mood for a Land Rover Defender, the last time I drove one of these was the year 1990.

I was on the lookout for one, but Mrs Frantony wears the trousers in our relationship and she’s aware I’ve had a few fads in my time.

Then the phone rings, it’s LWB Landrover.pngmy mother’s father’s auntie’s uncle’s grandson’s brother’s sister sons cousins fathers friend of a friend who knew someone who said he knew of a friend whose neighbours friend of a friend is selling a Land Rover Defender 110, “N” reg year 1996 and its orange.

 

So immediately I went on my way to see it…..and what was it?  Well it was a Land Rover Defender, so they got that bit right, but it was a 90 not a 110, and it wasn’t orange, it was blue and it was “D” reg, making it the year 1987.

First DefenderI test drove it with the owner sitting in the passenger seat.  Now for those of you who have never driven one of these, imagine you’re sitting on a milk crate, that’s on top of an 8×4 sheet of ply, balancing on 4 rocks.  Your hands are then holding on to a Ferris wheel that’s welded to a scaffolding bar……if you can?  That’s what it’s like!

YEP….You get the idea,woohoo.png thankfully by the power of the Land Rover Defender GODS…….The farmer…..back in 1987 when he bought it new, paid extra for the power steering option….WOO HOO!! Thank you Mr Farmer….whoever you are!

What am i doingThese were my exact words whist test driving the vehicle “What on earth am I doing?  I have no idea why I would want one of these?”

It clunked clanked, the steering wheel was so BIG, I had no elbows left after the test drive; the gear box is as loose as a cigarette swinging around in the Albert Hall (now that’s loose…I’m sure you’ll agree).

In fact this is what a Land Rover Defender gear box looks like compared to a normal car

 

Car      Normal gearsCompare gears     Defender

The clutch was heavy, my muscles were growingIMAG3024 every time I pressed the pedal, and I had only driven it 3 miles.  I wanted to cry, my mind thinking “Shall I still buy it or not?”  But I was in a bartering mood and I wanted to see what I could buy it for.  Well, after what seemed like days, he cracked before me and the Land Rover was mine.

 

Taj MahalAs I said this was a 1987 Defender 90, so if you turned the heating on HOT in the freezing cold and drove around all day, even if you drove to the Taj Mahal in India and back again….(by the way I live in Wales)…..it will neverIce Cube get warm.

When it rained it leaked, and if it was freezing cold and it rained…..well….. you’d be like a block of ice.

But let me tell you why I LOVE them and what’s GOOD about them and why they’re so UNIQUE! You can drive them anywhere and everywhere, mud or snow it stills feels like you’re driving on a clear road.  They take all the stress out of driving, you can park them at any angle in any space and it won’t get dented.  You’re able to drive through any gap because the car opposite you will always stop.  When it comes to curbs on the side of the road…..it’s impossible to scuff the alloy wheels.  The turning circle’s not great but then parking is easy as the front and rear are flat, so you can see each end.

But after five months Bye landroverI decided to sell it and within two days it was sold.

Now this where it gets tricky and something I didn’t see coming, it was as if an S.A.S Land Rover Defender visited me in my dreams and toyed with my psyche Landrover under skinevery day.  I wished I hadn’t sold it, I woke up one morning and I finally realised just how GREAT they are and I needed to be driving another one.  I knew that the Land Rover Defender was under my skin.

It was then I had to sit down with Mrs Frantony and tell her the news that I wanted Landrover_editedanother one but this time with a bit more creature comfort. It took me just over a year to find the right one I wanted, for the right price.  So here it is.

If you don’t have one…..then get one, you will smile like you’ve never smiled before!!

 

So……. on 29th January 2016, at 10am, the last LandRover Defender Crying.pngwill roll off the line.  What a sad day for such a great iconic vehicle, there is no other vehicle on the road like it…. I think I might cry…….

 

As this is the Easy blend, I’d thought I’d let you know what I’m listening to. Today it’s Bruce Hornsby and the Range – The way it is.

You can find out more about my book ‘Farrago: Ten Tall Tales’ and buy it here…. (click on the cover)

Full cover single

Until the next Easy Blend blog……….. 

Stay warm and fuzzy……..

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A Mini Power Ranger

Mrs Frantony had left for the hair dressers.  As well as having a hair cut she was having lots of colours put in her hair, and I mean lots of colours, so I knew I had an easy 3 hours to myself. Mrs Frantony.png

Now before Mrs Frantony takes all my pocket money away and puts a curfew on me, she doesn’t really look as bad as I’ve drawn her.  Although in the mornings…….No…No!  Stop it Dave!  And before you think it, Mrs Frantony doesn’t walk around like she has silly string on her head!

Anyway it was a lovely sunny day with no more than four clouds in the sky (I know….I counted), so there was only one thing to do, and that was to go for a long ride on my motorcycle up into the Brecon Beacons.

I wheeled my lovely bright green Kawasaki Ninja out of the garage and onto the drive.  ThFeet in concreteen it was time to put on my two piece leathers (which by the way can be an ordeal).  Taking deep breaths, I slid into my leather trousers and eventually they reached my waist.  Now for the boots…..

When I bought them in the shop they looked awesome, but when you’re wearing them it’s like having your feet set in two blocks of concrete.  So before zipping up my fly and doing up the button, the boots have to go on first – I just can’t bend over enough otherwise.

The jacket is next, then the buff around my neck and……Picking money upand let this be a lesson for all bikers around the world, the helmet is next and THEN the gloves.  Because even if your life depended on it, you’ll never find or feel the strap, it’ll be like trying to pick up coins off the floor with boxing gloves on.

Alright, this is the bit that is top secret but it’s been awhile, so I’m willing to tell you my super-dooper trick that helps Traffic lightsme ride the bike that little bit easier.  I’m not the tallest of people, so when I sit on the bike my both feet cannot touch the floor.  Sports bikes are very high….or I’m very small.  Now, the trick is that I have to bend over in the kitchen and spray polish on my backside.  Yep it works; it helps me slide on the seat ready to put my one foot down on the floor at traffic lights.

So I’m ready for the ride out when the phone rings…. off come the gloves and the helmet.  It’s Mrs Frantony, “Dave…I’ve forgotten money, bring me some down to pay the hair dresser.”

I de-tour my ride-out to the hair dresser’s with the money in my pocket and pull up outside; in front of the huge window where everyone in the world is Camberhaving their hair cut, apart from me, and this is where it all starts to go wrong.  There’s a huge camber in the road next to the pavement that was modelled on a camels hump.  There was a sign up saying “NO PARKING.”  It should have read “Can’t park!”

This was a problem for me with my short legs, I lean the bike to the right with my right leg down so my left leg can put the stand down.  But the stand only goes halfway down because it touches the camber in the road and I’m unable to push the bike forward from being tip toe with my right leg.  The window of the hair dresser was as big as a cinema screen; I could feel my head boiling up from the heat of everyone’s eyes looking at me not being able to get off the bike.

Mrs Frantony sees it’s me and looks the other way  burying her face in a magazine as the girl putting the colours on hair shouted out to the other people having their hair cut “Look hoHairdresser windoww small he is on that bike! He looks like a mini Power Ranger.”  After what felt like days, even weeks, I decided that my wife will have to pay the hair dresser another day.  I started the bike up shaking my head, not sure whether to laugh or cry, wondering if I’d be stuck on my motorcycle for the rest of my life never to get off!

Luckily no one knew it was me with my full face helmet on and dark visor, I quickly rode off to the Brecon beacons psyching myself up for either Mrs Frantony to laugh when I get home or just shake her head in disbelief at what she has married….

Thumbs up

 

As this is the Easy Blend, I thought I’d let you know what I’m listening to.  Today it’s The Damnwells – Golden Days

Don’t forget, you can buy my book Farrago: Ten Tall Tales here…. (click on the cover)

Full cover single

Until the next Easy Blend blog……….. 

Stay warm and fuzzy……..

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The Doctors appointment

Short trousers.pngSo we’re in the Doctors surgery, my seven year old son had just been called over the speaker. I knocked the door as I entered (I’m a nice polite person you see).  The Doctor was sitting on his chair.  He was a big guy, unlike me (a small guy), but it looked like he was wearing one of my suits….his jacket sleeves were just past his elbows and his trousers were like shorts.

“Close the door! Are you the Dad?”

“Why, YES!” I answered, thinking that was a strange question!

 

“Hello little boy…..would you like some stickers?” My IMAG2886son looked at me then nodded YES.  I’m sure you’re thinking the same as I was…. Batman, Spiderman, Sponge Bob, Angry Birds……..  But no…. this is what he meant by ‘stickers’.

 

My son looked back at me with the same look as I had on my face, thinking this Doctor cleShocked face.pngarly needs to order himself a tight fitting straight-jacket and change the magnolia paint on the walls for some padded cushions.

So after composing myself and explaining about my son’s Tonsillitis and that he’d had a bad run of it for over a year when he was much younger, the Doctor, from his short suit pocket, pulled out his mobile phone and switched on his flashlight app (I am now shocked to the core of my bones at what I am seeing!).

 

“Hmmmm….. I can’t see much?”Phone torch

I thought to myself “DUH!”

There were two pieces of equipment on the wall to the side of me. “Dad, pass the trumpet looking one off the wall to me?”

Not knowing which one he meant, I took a guess. “NO, not that one!  Does that look like a trumpet?”

At this point I decided that whatever respect I had for him had gone right out of the window.  So for legal reasons, and for this story we’ll call him “Muppet”

“Well to be fair ‘Muppet’…. technically….. none of them are actually, a trumpet!” I passed him the right piece of equipment and he then began to take a look into my son’s throat (this time able to see).

He looks at my son “So….I think your Dad wants me to give you Antibiotics…… even though they’re not going to do much.” He turned to his computer, pressing on a few Prescriptions busbuttons till the prescription came out of the printer.  He turned to my son, “Go to the printer and get the prescription for me.”

Now the printer wasn’t in another country that required a passport, it wasn’t even three bus stops away.

It wasn’t even in another room in the Doctors surgery! It was an inch away from his elbow.  I quickly looked around the room to see, if I was being filmed for a Saturday night entertainment programme.  You know the ones where they put your face in a little square at the bottom right of the TV Screen, as I watch and laugh at myself in the hope that after this, the TV presenter thanks me for being a good sport and sends me on a free holiday courtesy of “You’ve been made to look like a right twit on national television.”

But NO! I wasn’t even in the twilight zone….this, my friends was a real moment in time…he was actually a real life Doctor.  Yep….in a surgery with a proper roof, walls and windows and a reception area with a real receptionist, in a real town with people made of flesh, it has real roads……and the sky was above us…..staying up in the air (not like in Chicken Licken)………. it was all real!

 

As this is the Easy Blend, I thought I’d let you know what I’m listening to. Today it’s Matt Nathanson – Come on get higher

You can find out more about my book ‘Farrago: Ten Tall Tales’ and buy it here…. (click on the cover)

Full cover single

Until the next Easy Blend blog……….. 

Stay warm and fuzzy……..signature