In previous blogs, I told you I once worked in a very peculiar place. Anyway that’s nothing to do with the story, but the incident happened within this very peculiar place, and I also (a very important part of the story) have a small head…. a ‘pin-head’ if you like.
It was the early 90’s and I was a fully grown adult…….YES…..but with a small head. My job was to repair crashed cars, which obviously meant that I was working with metal. It also meant working with lots of dangerous tools; I could use them all….. in some shape anyway.
One of the tools that was regularly used was a grinder. For those who don’t know, a grinder is a hand held tool with a stone wheel that spins around at supersonic speed allowing you to grind metal down and clean surfaces.
So it was a day like any other day and I, Dave Frantony was working on a car, grinding away as I have done many times before. The usual attire for this type of working environment is as follows:-
Steel toe cap boots, Overalls, Gloves and Goggles. As I have pointed out….I have a PIN HEAD, and to this day, I have never been able to find a pair of goggles to fit my head. Do you remember ‘JOE 90’? Well that’s what I looked like.
When your grinder is spinning full pelt on metal, it shoots off 100’s of sparks and ‘swarf’, these are red hot and will be glowing for a few seconds as they leave the wheel until they cool down.
For some reason on this day, and I don’t know why, maybe it was the angle of the grinder and the angle of my head and the shape of my head, and the shape of the badly fitting goggles. In fact, let me show you the calculation just in case you’re ever in my situation.
Anyway, some of the red hot swarf made its way (at a terrific speed) not just into one eye, but right into both eyes…. What were the chances? Yes, they were badly fitted goggles, but they were covering my
eyes. It was as if my eyes decided not to like me anymore, and wanted to get me in trouble, so they took it upon themselves to turn to the size of dinner plates.
Let’s talk about the pain….. well, it hurts. It’s like a quick sting, then your eyes start to feel rough and you then start to rub them, and by the way…..you must NOT rub your eyes. So this is what you have to do next, if you can’t wash the swarf out then it’s a trip to the hospital. Now, if you don’t wash the swarf out then a film will cover your eyes and the swarf will rust and then everything and everyone will look orange….and you don’t want that (but of course if you did allow this
to happen you will lose the ability to spot the people that live under sun beds and trowel fake tan on themselves by the lorry load).
Well after washing my eyes, the swarf was still there so a phone call was made to Mrs Frantony to pick me up and point the car in the direction of the hospital to the A&E! Once the doctor confirmed that I definitely did have swarf embedded into my eyes, it was then time for the dreaded ‘swarf out of the eye’ removal part. For this, the Doctor drops brown dye in to your eyes which thankfully also numbs them. Then your head is placed into a clamp…. no, don’t think vice, a clamp.
Once my head was tight and couldn’t be moved and my eyes were numb, the Doctor….using a massive needle….. picked out the swarf as you would pick a splinter from your hand. The only problem is as he picks your eyes with the needle, they do bounce around a bit, so when he’s finished you think you look a little bit like this.
After the weird experience, the nurse placed a patch on each eye, of course one eye would have been okay but two……? She then took me out to the waiting room; Mrs Frantony (so I’m told as I can’t see) stood up and they both laughed “HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa
HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa.”
After about ten minutes had gone by, Mrs Frantony stood behind me and placed her hands on my shoulders she walked me out of the hospital and took me home…..
The patches had to stay on for 24 hours, not ideal when you have to stand up and pee…….. though on that I shall say no more…..!
As ever on the Easy Blend, I’m listening to some great music, today it’s Newton Faulkner, Gone in the Morning
You can find out more about my book ‘Farrago: Ten Tall Tales’ and buy it here…. (click on the cover)
Until the next Easy Blend blog………..
Stay warm and fuzzy……..