Yankee Candle + Man = Diva

For a long time now (and it has been a long time), we as a human race have been grateful for the light bulb.  We couldn’t live without it…… thank you to the inventors, especially Thomas Edison who successfully led the way; SCrooge.pnghis company today called “General Electric.”

Now, the businesses back in the day making candles…. well, they clearly knew their time was up…..for now!  Who was going to need a candle anymore?  Not when you can flick on a switch and have a bulb that can light up a whole room.  Although I am grateful for the candle, because every Christmas when I watch Scrooge, it wouldn’t be the same if he walked around his big house with a lead lamp…

 

But of course, today lots of us like a ‘scented’ candle, whether it’s to make the house smell nice or to create a romantic mood for you and your partner.  feeling-hornyHmmmm…. it occurs to me that it must mean that before the light bulb was invented and every house had a candle lit….. well…… then everyone must have been feeling horny every night …. just a thought…

Or the other thing that most people seem to like (and I have to agree it does sound nice), is to have a nice long soak in the bath with lots of bubbles and a scented candle lit at both ends, one next to your toes, and the other next to your head.  The bottle and of course the glass of wine in your hand….YES….or a bottle of Prosecco, which seems to be baththe desired fuel for females these days.  And let’s not forget on the odd occasion the annoying small drip of water from the tap…….and its always from the cold….no matter whose bath you’re in.

Back in my day as a child in the 80’s, listening to all the women of the day talk about how they’re going to have a glass of Lambrusco when they get home, every woman was Lambrusco mad.  Then on a Friday or Saturday night there was always a group of girls from school that managed to find an adult to buy them a bottle of Lambrusco in the local shop.  Each girl had to fight to be the one to carry it.  I’m sure

lambrusco-king-arthur

that the girl who was first to take the bottle from the adult felt as if they were King Arthur; in fact if you were drinking Lambrusco back in the 80’s you thought you were as cool as the Prosecco women of today are…….Sorry Ladies…..

 

I do believe (in my humble opinion) that all men have a female gene that is busting to come out; mine reveals itself quite regularly, but for some men…..well….they ignore it or keep it suppressed inside.

man-female-gene

I think these are the ones that go a little crazy on the weekends.  Whereas the man that accepts his female gene, is pretty much constant 7 days a week (again….that’s just my humble opinion)…. What do you think?

 

So I found myself standing in a scented candle shop, which was very busy……who would have thought it?  Scented candle businesses that’s who!  As I walked around the shop, I could see some men trying to fight the urge not to pick up and smell the candles.  But one couple stood out from the rest.  I had to stop and look busy but was secretly listening and watching the couple looking at the scented candles, the man really did look like a man, tall and stocky with a beard.

man-beard

Now the man was finding it impossible to take his face out of the scented candles, the conversation went a little bit like this:-

MAN -“Oh love, smell this one…..that’s stunning that is!”

Woman –“Oh, that is lush, Babe!

She also had 2 scented candles in her hand.  “Smell these Babes…….lush ain’t they?”

Man – “Oh…. it is init….imagine how much nicer it’ll be lit!”

Woman – “Yeh, stunning Babe, let’s get 2 of them!”

The man was now grinning like a little boy, who’s just woke up on Christmas morning, and realised that Santa’s just dropped off everyshouty-face present that he’d wished for.

Man – “Oh….Yes…….I can’t wait to light it!”

He was now nodding his head, clenching on to the scented candles like he was carrying a live human heart in his hand that mustn’t be dropped; both of them were grinning.  I on the other hand looked like this…

But….I dare any MAN to fight the Diva in himself as he smells the aromas of any scented candle!  No matter how big and tuff you think you are, you will be transported to another dimension!  The Diva will take over your body!  Does the businessman cry in his candle shop anymore?  NO! They’re knocking up every bit of wax they can find, dropping in the finest aromas that are knee-wobblingly lovely in to the darkest depths of the mix, whilst carefully lowering the wick in to the dead centre of the candle…. Clever!

Fruity, Nutty, Rosemary, Eucalyptus, Lily and

Ginger, Saffron and Amber, Sage and Sea Salt?  What will be next?

fighting-in-ring

Chicken and Chips?  Curry with 2 Onion Bhajies?  Egg sandwiches? A mechanics oily overalls?  The list could go on, and who knows?  The light bulb manufacturers might even come out with a scented light bulb.  You heard it here first folks “I DECLARE THE COPYWRITE OF SCENTED LIGHT BULBS.”  But listen, MEN!

Whatever new scented candle they think of next…… DON’T fight the Diva in you that is waiting to come out.

So now I’m thinking dare I invest my money in to the very vehicles that our ancestors travelled on and in before the automobile?  Do I start at the very beginning and sell horse and carts and use the line of the late Henry .T. Ford “You can have any colour wooden cart you want….as long as it’s brown.  I could even do the horse to match.  In fact if you buy the horse with the cart today, you can have the first 2 horse shoes free and a free deep clean cart sweep out…..I tell you what…..I’ll even throw in a free brush for the horse, but you must sign today…….you can’t come back tomorrow because the offer won’t be on the table!”

horse-cart-stable

 

As usual on the Easy Blend, I’m listening to great music; today it’s Labi Siffre – Something inside so strong.

You can find out more about my book ‘Farrago: Ten Tall Tales’ and buy it here…. (click on the cover)

Full cover single

 

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Author: davefrantony

Dave Frantony...... born with the 'quirky' setting stuck on full, lives by his own rules, but even he doesn't know what they are! As an actor, VoiceOver artist and inspirational speaker, I took the obvious step into radio and have been writing and presenting my own show 'Dave Frantony's Easy Blend of Music and Chat' for 6 years. During that time, I've written a book of short stories called Farrago: Ten Tall Tales which will be available on Amazon shortly. I've also just finished my first novel which is now in editing. The 'Easy Blend of Music and Chat' has always been a random collection of stories and observations from my beautiful brown eyes so I thought I'd share some more with you through a Blog.

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