Now before I start….I have found a good Cable T.V Engineer, and he’s a nice and helpful guy….but before that….? Hmmmmm….
Okay…. so what have I seen of their work in the many times they have been called to the house, you ask? And not just my house, it’s EVERY house….
If you want to know where I’m going with this…. remember the film ‘Entrapment’ with Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones? Well, there’s a scene in the film that happens to resemble just some of what I’ve seen……
I have no idea who trains Cable T.V Engineers, or where they go; not even a clue how long it takes to learn how to do the job. Or if they have a life size pretend house to practice on, in some hidden factory unit in a secret location. Or even if the scene from ‘Entrapment’ is in their Haynes manual on how to fit Satellite dish cables in and on the outside of the house.
Are the rules in Cable T.V Engineers school of training ”What goes on in Cable T.V Engineers school, stays in Cable T.V Engineers school”?
I have a secret picture that was taken in an undisclosed location of what goes on at the 1st day of training.
Proof of the rules that they live by.
What must the conversations be like in the class? Does it go like this……?
“Sir……. Cable clips!…… How many do we use?”
“Doesn’t matter…. they’re in the van just to fill up the shelves. But if you do need to use them, just use one at the start and one at the end…. No matter what the distance!”
“And the ladders?”
“Try not to use them; they are to weigh the van down and keep it steady in windy weather!
“Sir….. What colour cable?”
“Doesn’t matter, they all do the same job! If you can, use a cable that sticks out like a sore thumb, at least people know
we were there!”
So the finished work……… I’ve seen cables through window frames
I’ve seen holes drilled the size of the channel tunnel….only to take a small cable
I’ve seen cables over the roof
Even cables nailed to a work top in a kitchen….. I kid you not my friends
And the easy lazy way to carry a cable is in your guttering, where it will sit in water most of the time and rot away
And YES….I have even seen cables following the window line up and down
At least they used a good number of cable clips on that job.
In one house, the Cable T.V engineer put the cable diagonally under the carpet, the old woman looked like she was jumping over a hurdle every time she turned the T.V on. I was half tempted to dress her in lycra and put a number on her back
In another house the cables were running over the skirting board, up the wall and plugged into the back of the T.V with not a milimetre to spare. I was waiting for the inside of the T.V to be pulled out. There were wires everywhere, all in the wrong places, for a moment it was like living inside a plug.
So what can be done? This, I don’t know. Apart from being on your guard, and following the next Cable T.V Engineer and watching every move they make. Who knows…..the next T.V cable laid from your dish to the T.V could be running through your underwear in the drawer; into the microwave as you cook your favourite pie; up over the toaster and down the leg of your favourite jeans.
To all Cable T.V Engineers…………..Let’s be having a nice neat job next time!!
As ever on the Easy Blend I’m listening to some great music, today it’s Christine and the Queens – Tilted.
You can find out more about my book ‘Farrago: Ten Tall Tales’ and buy it here…. (click on the cover)
Until the next Easy Blend blog………..
Stay warm and fuzzy……..