So is this going to be inside knowledge? It may be……. (I said maybe……….not BABY!)
Anyway…….this knowledge came to me in a mystical way, without my control…..I look at it as a gift… A gift that I must share…. if not, I fear the Horse Gods will literally horse whip me…… and with my soft skin…. Well it’s not good.
What do Horses feel? What do Horses think? What would they say if they could speak?
Well……..I, the Horse Whisperer,can now reveal the truth!
It was a day just like any other day, I was walking in the local countryside on the Taff Trail that runs from the Brecon Beacons down to the City of Cardiff. It also goes from Cardiff to the Brecon Beacons, it just depends which way you’re starting from…… Suddenly, I looked in front of me, the Tarmac on the trail looked damaged……. all ripped up as if a Meteor had crash landed and tore along the Taff Trail.
I felt a strange power surge through my beautiful body (which didn’t take long….I’m not the tallest of people). There was nothing I could do, everything was still, the sound of the River Taff by the side of me was quiet and the grass stopped swaying in the gentle breeze. I could see a horse in a nearby field starting to talk to me. It was as if there was a connection between us, a reason why this horse had picked me. I knew he wanted to speak for all the other horses, he wanted to speak for the horses from the past…..the horses of today and the horses of the future.
I kept my composure, asking the horse to tell me more…
The horse now relaxed, looks upwards
“Well it’s like this Dave…… What do you see on my hoofs?”
“I see horse shoes…”
“Exactly, I’m made for fields and beaten tracks, just ask my ancestors, we were once peoples main form of transport back in the day,
before cars and bikes, before Tarmac was invented. But some of our owners today, want to go on the same idyllic route as you Dave. But on our backs, and Dave…….I don’t like tarmac, I’m not built for Tarmac if I did…..I’d have a set of wheels on the end of my legs. It does my knees right in……and let’s face it….I’ve got 4 of them…..one on every corner.”
“The Taff Trail wasn’t built for me either, it’s for families to walk and cycle on, I’m a very big animal, and please forgive me for being so coarse with my words. It wasn’t a meteor that ripped up the tarmac……..you see it’s me. As a Horse I have the amazing ability to S**T and walk at the same time……I know, it takes some doing! ……..our owners know this…….. whilst sitting on our backs just 3 feet away from our arses….and they still take us on the Taff Trail knowing full well that it’s a sure bet we will do it.”
“Our owners don’t seem to care about families with their children, even the cyclists, who I know still can’t work out one of the greatest
mysteries of the world…..and that’s how you can cycle in a straight line and only get S**T on one wheel and not the other when there’s such a short distance between them both?”
And then…..in a flash my Horse whispering skills left my body and I was back on the trail as the Horse, chewing on grass, trotted away………… S***TING.
As ever on the Easy Blend I’m listening to some great music, today it’s Greg Laswell – I dodged a bullet.
You can find out more about my book ‘Farrago: Ten Tall Tales’ and buy it here…. (click on the cover)
Until the next Easy Blend blog………..
Stay warm and fuzzy……..