It was a lovely summer day and all was well with the world, so it was a day for pottering about in the garden. I changed into my working clothes, you know the ones that you don’t mind getting muddy or scagging on the long winding thorn bush that seems to appear over night.
Now….I’ll be open and honest about this, when I put my working clothes on I like to wear old pants underneath. Come on….. we all have them!
I don’t know why I like to do this, it’s not as if they are going to get damaged, but I do have pants for best and pants for working in. I have to admit, Mrs Frantony continually tells me to throw them all away, but I don’t want to. As pants go, my old ones are the best.
Sometimes it’s like a game of tug-of-war in as she tries to sneakily put them in the bin….. it’s like the old saying from back in the day “Never throw another man’s pants in the bin!”
Anyway, finally my worn out pants didn’t go in the bin and instead I was in them, ready to carry out some work in the garden….. the usual jobs – clean up the leaves, pick the weeds, sweep up and have a fire.
As all this is going on, Mrs Frantony every half hour brings out a cup of tea usually threatening to burn my pants once I’m out of them…..the vision scares me!
So I’m in my beautiful garden and it’s started looking good, most of the leaves have gone, the flower beds have been de-weeded and the patio has been swept super clean. Just one corner left to go before it’s time to sit down and enjoy the fruits of my labour.
Mrs Frantony appeared with the third cup of tea, this time with one of her out-of-this-world homemade freshly baked cakes (if you’ve not tried one, then you haven’t lived!)
I was about to pack up my tools when I noticed a Wasp go in between the fence panels, then another and another. I wondered to myself ‘Hmmmmmm, could this be a Wasp nest? If it is I’m not sitting in the garden.’
At this point I wasn’t sure what to do, but in a moment of complete stupidity, like I didn’t know what a wasp was or what might happen, like I had just beamed down from another planet, I banged the fence (what this was going to do, I don’t know!) and this, my friends, is no lie…….one Wasp came out from behind the fence and stared at me, hovering silently, both of us trying to intimidate the other.
I broke first and the second I did, the Wasp laughed and attacked me, and this is the part where if you were a neighbour watching from a distance, you wouldn’t see the Wasp due to its size, you would just have seen me doing Karate, fighting the Invisible Man.
The Wasp came so close I could smell him, but my karate chops were no match for the speed of the angry Wasp. He manoeuvred to the side of my head and stung me just above my ear. I was now injured and in pain and what didn’t help, is that I have a small head, so the sting looked twice as big!!!
I turned (call me a chicken if you want) and I ran as fast as I could towards the house, but the Wasp was hot on my trail. He clearly wanted to finish me off good and proper. I made it to the door of the house and the second I was in I shut the door behind me.
I was panting fast; the side of my head was red and throbbing and the adrenaline was reaching parts of my body that I didn’t know existed. I was scared and relieved at the same time, but here comes the weird part, my instinct was to lock the door. This was an angry Wasp that waited outside the door for ages, I thought he might try to come through the lock, so I left the key inside. I know a Wasp cannot open a door but I wasn’t taking any chances, this was a clever and fast Wasp. The Wasp had a real issue with me, I knew from looking right in to his eyes he wasn’t going to let it go. For the rest of the day I had a headache. Me and Wasps just don’t get on, and YES the ECO System needs them, we need them, they’re here for a purpose, but why the attitude Wasp? Anyway, he was in MY garden and even though I was there first (!!) HE ruled that day.
As usual on the Easy Blend, I’ll let you know what I’m listening to. Today it’s Norah Jones – Little Broken Hearts
You can find out more about my book ‘Farrago: Ten Tall Tales’ and buy it here…. (click on the cover)
Until the next Easy Blend blog………..
Stay warm and fuzzy……..